with you, there ain't no more falling down. but standing up standing tall..to the top young blood, to the top of the world. 

ashley m. kahn

The world stops at nothing short of carrying

the credence of adversity,

difference now from then is 

I have become cohesive.

I have become one to

remove walls from hearts,

trying to open refugees away from the

continuance of street wars.
all at the same time, wondering

if the sky still falls.

In the midst of this silent warfare,

troubling my mind for this tenth year.

I have integrated the perception of resurgence

And learned to adhere to remembrance

Without you ever having to be present

And I still come and go unchanged

My face has aged

My voice remains cracked

My smile stays broken

And I still laugh before I cry

All of this remains the same since you died.

But dear Ashley,

I'm sorry it took this long until

I stopped mourning

How every year was spent

Relapsing inside cages

Only now have I realized

That time isn't the answer

As this is never too late,

I have come today, eager to celebrate.

the growth of existing within the earth & beyond heavens

I have sacrificed my life to a religion

fully believing in the divination of astute teachings

Left the hood behind to find home every time in foreign cities

Reversed the past to now save these same kids –

with the same swagger in them that once killed me

Only to smile hard when I see your face in their teary eyes.

The only thing left between you and I

was left unresolved..

I never thanked you for refusing to save me

while I lamented for ten years.

There are no more reasoning left

To grieve any longer.

This is an open letter to you

Apologizing sincerely for never

having celebrated your life until now.

I only wonder if the sky still falls..

                       if the sky will fall at all.

--

Ashley Mae Kahn.

September 3 1981- February 27 1997.